So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
