It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
