How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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