oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
