Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
