I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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