I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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