please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i now understand why vodka
I believe in your delicious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize