please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
