you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize