bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
