The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
