Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
