Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
