Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
