i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
