nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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