A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
