One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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