just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
