The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
