So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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