ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
