I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My penis needs a shock collar
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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