I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
