Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
