We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
