He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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