we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
