I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
