I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
