I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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