those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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