i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize