My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
