How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
