And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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