Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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