U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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