Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
