did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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