meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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