Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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