New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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