walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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