if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
