Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
