When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
