So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
