Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
