...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
