she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
