The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
