ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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