i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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