I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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