I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Couch. On fire.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
