She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
