I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize