Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
