Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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