All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
