Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dick has a subreddit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
