We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
