And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
