If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
