mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And then he peed in my hair
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