Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
