You just made me feel so damn special
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
